On the lighter side of life

[Kelasa]

Well I got this in my email and it's too hilarious not to share with someone so here goes:

The Rules (from a man's point of view)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
_________________
One must have knowledge beyond learning, and wisdom beyond understanding to say what can or cannot be.

[HR-Trevor]

Heh, that was pretty funny.
_________________
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." -- Plato

-- Trevor Rage / Rich Mondy

[Kelasa]

Lawyers


Why a lawyer should never ask a question of a witness if he is not prepared
for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand - an elderly grandmother.

He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died!

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."
_________________
One must have knowledge beyond learning, and wisdom beyond understanding to say what can or cannot be.

[Quidditty]

Thanks I needed the laugh
Quidditty

[senutyenool]

Yo Trev!

Meant to ask this some time ago, but how about a Humour Folder? Somewhere to post the funny things that have happened in Game and In Real Life
_________________
~My Reality Check Bounced~

a.k.a Senutyenool

[HR-Trevor]

Voila
_________________
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." -- Plato

-- Trevor Rage / Rich Mondy

[nireb]

those were definately funny and i love quids avatar....everyone should have a avatar like that.....im going to find one when im at home and not on a government restricted computer