someting funny

[Kit]

[HR-Faith]

Some of us don't have to wear wigs.
_________________
Counselor Faith Tempest
Medic Guru
hr-faith@haelrahv.com


"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -- Bilbo Baggins --

[HR-Beau]

That shade of red screams...PLEASE OF PLEASE BE A WIG.
_________________
If there is one thing in the world that I know, love conquers all, it trancends time and space, defies all odds, and can bring you back from the darkness, it is the guiding light that helps bring you in from the rough stormy seas of life, and it remains even after you have gone.
~ Adam ~

www.angeluserratus.net

[Kit]

[soundless]

yeah, those women sure are 'something funny'
_________________
A bright-eyed Thekko Ku Kalla dressed in a dapper sailor suit takes to flight and careers through the air toward the Modan Kucho and slams into him!
With a high-pitched cry, The Modan Kucho collapses in death.

[HR-Faith]

[HR-Beau]

See? But you pull off red in a...OMG I'm not fake way. But red boots = SHINY!
_________________
If there is one thing in the world that I know, love conquers all, it trancends time and space, defies all odds, and can bring you back from the darkness, it is the guiding light that helps bring you in from the rough stormy seas of life, and it remains even after you have gone.
~ Adam ~

www.angeluserratus.net

[Tao]

Okies, back to the jokes cause the Yaru is getting restless. Heh.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,
surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here
to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back
the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a
close look and says,"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
_________________
Lick or Be Licked

[Tao]

HILLBILLY DAYVORCE

A Hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.

The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"

The farmer said, "I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The lawyer said. "Do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres."

The lawyer said,"No, you don't understand.

Do you have a suit"?

The farmer said."Yes, I got a suit,I wears it to church on Sunday's."

The lawyer said,"No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"

The farmer said. "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere."

The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere."

The lawyer said. "Does your wife beat you up or something"?

The farmer said, "No,we both get up at 4:30."

The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"

The farmer said. "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce."
_________________
Lick or Be Licked

[Tao]

COW FROM MINNESOTA

Ole is a farmer in Wisconsin who needs a new milk cow. He hears about a
nice one for sale over in Minnesota, so he drives to Minnesota, looks
at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs
the teat and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is very surprised, so he looks
at the farmer who's selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try
again.

He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. But milk comes
out, so after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the cow and takes it
home. He calls his neighbor, Sven, over and says, "Hey Sven, come and
look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat and see vat
happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the cow farts. Sven
looks at Ole and says, "I bet you bought dis cow in Minnesota, yah?"

Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Minnesota."
_________________
Lick or Be Licked

[Tao]

You might be a Redneck Jedi if ....

.you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.

.that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.

.you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"

.you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.

.you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".

.your landspeeder has a gun rack.

.you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.

.you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they."

.your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.

.your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.

.you trim your beard and find a Mylock.

.you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.

.you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

.your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.

.you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

.you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

.you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery. .

.your father's name is Garth Vader.

.you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.

.you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.

.you count B.O. as a Jedi power.

.you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.

.you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

.your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"

.the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.

.you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.

.you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.

.you use the "O" on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.

.you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.

.you call the Emporer "That old ugly dude in the house coat."

.you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.

.the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.

.you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.

.you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.

.your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.

.your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.

.you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

.you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

.you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

.you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

.you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

.you hear . . "Luke, I am your father . . and your uncle!"

.you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.

.you brand cattle with a lightsaber.

.your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.

.your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.

.you use your lightsabor as a bug zapper.

.you think the Death Star is in the outhouse.

.you have fish innards all over your light sabor.

.your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."
_________________
Lick or Be Licked

[HR-Trevor]

A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they gave their wives for their anniversary. The rich man says, "I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz." Poor man asks, "Why did you buy her two gifts?" The rich man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like the diamond necklace, she can drive her Mercedes Benz to take it back."

The poor man acknowledges the rich mans answer then proceeds to tell him what he got his wife. "I got my wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo." With a confused and intrigued look, the rich man asks, "Why did you buy her those gifts?!" The poor man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like the flip flops, she can go fuck herself."
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." -- Plato

-- Trevor Rage / Rich Mondy

[HR-Mickey]

_________________
Mickey Brunner

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

I may be going nowhere, but I'm going nowhere fast.
---
Kelvin Watt says, "I stopped drinking coke when no longer drinking beer didn't make my gut disappear."
---
Kaelin Rae says, "Wait a minute..."
Kaelin Rae says, "You mean they have a COKE machine that dispenses beer."
Kaelin Rae nods to you.
Kaelin Rae says, "Greaser."
Kaelin Rae looks at you and sighs.

[Aerumna]

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses..."
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Good laws have their origins in bad morals- Ambrosius Macrobius

[Brokyn]

--William
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